Monthly Archives: August 2014

The Snarky B’s Views on The Ice Bucket Challenge

Unless you live under a rock lately, you have heard of the Ice Bucket Challenge. To give you the condensed version, because I don’t want to alienate my under-rock-dwellers, it is a challenge on Facebook to raise funds for ALS research. In short, a person accepts the challenge and videos themselves pledging to donate $10 to ALS research and dumping a bucket of ice water on their heads. The person then challenges 3 friends who have 24 hours to accept the challenge, or donate $100 to ALS (or charity of their choice). Honestly, you can’t swing the proverbial cat on Facebook without hitting on a dozen videos from friends and celebrities. As of this writing, the challenge has raised well over $15 million. Now you are probably thinking “That’s a fun and awesome way to raise money for a worthy cause…” but you would be wrong. Like almost anything anymore, there is a contingency of grumps out there who are trying to detract from the challenge. Everyday I open my news feed to see one more person bitching about how ridiculous it is, or one more forwarded video of someone trying to make everyone else feel bad about the challenge. It seems the Ice Bucket challenge is not just a way of raising awareness and funds, but a socio-economic indicator of how big of an asshole you can be.

It started with the occasional “Oh I am so tired of seeing all these ice bucket challenges on my news feed” whiney posts. So lets start there. So the hell what? You know if the President or Mark Zuckerberg or someone like that posts that all these ice bucket challenges are wearing them out, ok. Let’s face it: they deal with a lot of shit in a day and have a lot on their plate. On the other hand, I’d wonder why the President is doing so much Facebook time and why someone like Mark Z is smart enough to build Facebook but not smart enough to find someone to cruise the Interweb for him…but still, granted, they are pretty busy people. For the people who come through my news feed, however, let’s be honest, you people are on Facebook avoiding work so shut up. If seeing the videos are making you tired, try watching your work email for a little while.  It’s a fun challenge that raises money, don’t watch if you don’t want to, you are being an asshole.

Then we moved to the “I don’t understand why dumping water on your head is a good thing….why don’t you just write a check???” Yeah, ok, let’s examine that. Certainly the ice bucket challenge came about because everyone donated money to it all the time. Seriously? The Ice Bucket Challenge came about because it’s sort of human nature to want to be recognized for what we do. The average person can afford $10 for charity, but would rather blow that $10 on a pretentious Starbucks drink instead. If they video themselves saying “Yo Facebook, I’m donating $10 to charity” everyone would give them crap about donating more, and would think they were douchebags for coming out and practically asking for recognition of their donation. The Ice Bucket Challenge lets those people have fun at their own expense and be recognized for doing something good. So really you don’t understand? Maybe someone should create a challenge for you for being sort of stupid.

Now the latest group of Assholes are the ones playing a game of social consciousness one-up-man-ship. Pamela Anderson, I’m looking at you. For those that don’t know, apparently Pam can’t participate because ALS research involves animal testing. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t condone animal testing for things like eyeliner and soap, or, wait for it………….SILICON BREAST IMPLANTS! Didn’t have a problem with that one when you were slo-mo running on Baywatch and smoking Tommy Lee pole did you Pam? But a deadly disease is causing you an attack of conscious? Give me a break.  Even more douchebaggery, are the people who have to forward pictures like this:

america-als-africa-water-ice-bucket-challenge

Seriously? The Ice Bucket Challenge is really causing a drought in Africa? Then there are those people who think we should not waste the water at all because we could use that water to hydrate some non-GMO crops.  Come ON!!! If it bothers you that bad, send your $10 to Africa! Or South America, or PETA, or whatever YOU think is the more important charity, but for fuck’s sake shut up, you have no idea how big of an asshole you are. That pedestal of social virtue you are sitting on is impaling you and the rest of the world wishing you would pull it out of your ass and get on with life.

The Ice Bucket Challenge started with a couple of friends trying to raise money in honor of their friend. Their friend who will die of ALS. Their friend who was diagnosed in the prime of his life and has to watch his body betray him in the cruelest of ways. How is that offensive to you? Why are the numerous other forwards not offensive, but a video you don’t have to watch is? Check yourself and get back to me on how much of an asshole you want to be.

For those who would like to participate, I nominate you. If you would rather just donate anonymously:

The ALS Association
Gift Processing Center
PO Box 6051
Albert Lea, MN 56007

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Men, Burgers and Relationship Advice

People can accuse me of a lot of things in life, but I will assure you, being a snob is not one of them. I find all people fascinating, some for all the wrong reasons, but fascinating nonetheless. As a result I have accumulated people from all walks of life, experiences and rungs on the socio-economic ladder. This menagerie of people mixes themselves into a very schizophrenic soup on my Facebook news feed. In the course of an hour I can read quotes from Buddha, Gandhi, Eminem and Honey Boo Boo (is she still around?), see videos of current events, tractor pulls and LOL cats, forwards warning me about the National Reserve removing “In God We Trust” from a quarter, pictures of horribly mangled children telling me it will all get fixed if I just click “like”, and endless game requests. But nothing compares to the posts directly from the author’s voice. These are among my favorite and my most frustrating.

Most frustrating of all are the relationship posts. Especially the ones from full grown little girls (and some men), lamenting on how wrong this guy has done them and that guy has done them.  Now I may not be a trained relationship expert, but a Facebook page is a lot like a Psych exam. Looking back over some of their respective pages, it’s pretty obvious what the problem is….you can’t align what you want, and what you think you want. Until that happens, you will never be happy.

To illustrate what I mean, indulge me in an example.  Suppose you are sitting around your house just relaxing and you are suddenly attacked by a craving. You are hungry, but you aren’t exactly sure what you are hungry for. You go to fridge, nothing looks appetizing. You look around in your cabinets, nothing looks appetizing there either, so you go sit back on the couch. You are still hungry so you get back up and go back to the fridge. You take a few bites of some leftover takeout….no, that’s not what you want. You go to the cabinet again and grab a handful of dry cereal….no. So now you resolve yourself that you are just going to have to go out and grab something, but you still aren’t sure what. Well, you think, maybe I’ll figure it out while I’m getting dressed. You get dressed and you still aren’t sure. Maybe you’ll figure it out while you are in the car, you think. You drive all the way into town and you still don’t know.  Well, I’ll drive around and maybe I’ll know when I see the sign, you think. You drive around for a little while and it still doesn’t come to you. You finally realize you want a big, juicy burger so you pull into McDonald’s. As you dig in, you realize the burger isn’t all that big, and tastes a little flat, but it’s what you wanted right? Then you pass by the little hole in the wall diner that has the types of burgers you really wanted and you get mad at your Big Mac for not being the diner burger. They are both burgers aren’t they? But they are miles apart and you went for the surface criteria instead of what was really going on under the bun.

Now let’s put that in context. There will come a day when you are sitting around your house watching some Lifetime movie and you will realize you are tired of watching that tv alone. So you will get up, look around your social group and think that’s not really what you want, then you will look at some exes, and you might even give one a second chance, but realize it was better the first go around and you break up with people for a reason. You might actually try a few that are easy and not that long lasting until you realize you need to actually get out of the house and go looking. You will see a lot of people that look good, and at any other time you would probably be happy with, but just don’t fit you right now. Then you will come up with what you think you want, and think your searching and worrying is over and pull into the first guy that fits that criteria. But I’m here to tell you, when you come up with what it is you think you want, you still need to take a step back and finish the list of what you REALLY want. You also have to give up on expecting that Big Mac dude to be the diner dude just because they are both burgers. You can’t want the bad boy and then be mad because he is a bad boy. What you really want is the bad boy that holds down a job, pays bills and will rub your feet when you are tired….but honey that doesn’t always exist. You can’t go searching for that thug that calls women “bitches” as if it’s just another part of his vocabulary and then get mad because he treats you like a bitch. Grow up honey, that’s not how the world works. Grow up even more and stop blaming others for your poor choices. Go sit back down on your couch for a little while and work out what you REALLY want before you even get in the car to go find it.