So I read this little story today “You’re Not Pretty Enough”. And as always for those of you too lazy to read the story, I will summarize:
This awesome chick Jennifer Tress had a douchebag husband who left her and told her “You’re not pretty enough” as some sort of excuse for his douchbaggery. Even though Jennifer was successful and fulfilled in life, these four little words cut her to the core, but being the awesome chick she is turned it around and created a website movement. All the links are in the story, you will have to check it out yourself. For the website she created, she did a tracking internet ninja move and found out lots of people were searching terms like “Am I pretty enough” and that’s how they were getting to her website. So obviously, Jennifer was not the only person out there with a douchebag of a partner who had told them they were ugly. Which leads me to the very rapier thought of: Really?
Now listen up kiddos, I am about to lay some wisdom down. If you are not required by laws of public safety to cover yourself from head to toe, you are pretty enough. Period. One good thing that came out of my early days of internet access is the knowledge that there are as many flavors of attractive and sexy as there are people in the world. Trust me. Some of that crap I saw back then made me really wonder. Now here is the real truth. Most of the reason you are not finding someone who finds you pretty enough is because you are too narrow in what YOU find pretty to partner up. Lets face it, you are most likely not going to end up with a cast member of Twilight, or the model on the magazine cover. You should, however, search out the attractiveness in the people you encounter. I never went for looks when I was dating. Looks didn’t hurt, don’t get me wrong. Looks were good enough to get my attention, but rarely good enough to keep my attention. My philosophy was always: You can only look at someone for so long before you have to have an actual conversation.
Now the Snarky Bitch portion of this blog post: What the hell? Why do you let people get away with this? Why do you think it’s at all ok for someone to tell you that you aren’t pretty enough. Not just tell you that you aren’t pretty enough, but to internalize it and make you feel they are right? I’m happy this chick Jennifer turned it around and made something positive out of it, but let’s face it; her ex husband probably was no prize himself. I’m sure she did his laundry at some point and she could have countered with something like: “I only respect the opinions of someone that is smart enough to wipe their ass properly”. If you have been partnered up for any amount of time, then odds are you have witnessed the other person do some pretty ignorant shit. Part of marriage is being able to understand the ignorant shit. I love the hubs, but I’ve been left wondering what goes through his mind sometimes, as I am sure he has wondered the same about me. The point is, you shouldn’t let people who barely have themselves figured out, give you your internal dialogue.
Secondly, what does it say about someone that what they look like is enough to make you leave? They looked good enough to get your attention at one time. They also looked good enough to get you to propose, but not good enough to stay? Dude, you are a fraking idiot! Yes, I did just use Frak in a sentence.
I hate seeing this sort of relationship in real life as well. Usually it is much more subtle. You have probably seen it as well, or maybe you have participated in it. My hubs and I like to call it the “My Spouse Can Out Idiot Your Spouse” conversation people have. And ladies, if this were an Olympic event, most of you would have gold medals. You are the worst. Get a group of you together and one of you tells a funny story about how stupid her husband is and the rest of you have to one up with a story of your own. Why do you do this? Yeah, he may be stupid but he proposed to you and you said yes, so either he was stupid to ask you, or you were more stupid to agree to it. Stop it. Husbands and boyfriends like to do it by painting their wives and girlfriends as helpless/bad drivers/ unable to understand simple mechanics. Usually it’s a story about riding around with a parking brake engaged. They also like to throw it around when it comes to money. Men, if you come home and your children are still alive, you turn on a switch and there is light, there is food in the house and clean clothes in the closet, then it is not just YOUR money. Elves didn’t do all that so sit down and shut up before you get your ass cut.